In the Beginning...

In The Beginning…

So difficult to find a starting point to this story.  My situation is this.  I am a solo parent of two gorgeous, loving children.  I am trying to loose weight.  But it hasn’t always been like this. 

For most of my life I have been a slim, small sized person – of average female height, someone who had a fast metabolism, could eat ‘whatever they wanted’ (although I did prefer healthy, nutritious food).  Yeah I know, you may not guess that now looking at me, but in reality, I only have a small frame, the rest of me is just ‘cuddly padding’ (lol).  I was very active & sporty, although, I was never any good at team sports, which I now realize is not only because I can’t catch (yeah, seriously!), but also because of my particular eye sight problem) and in high school I was one of those skinny ‘gleeky’ kids (yep I was even in the school orchestra, go on laugh all you like) that never got picked for team sports in Phys Ed, but I was into fitness and continued to be so right up into adulthood and had been told many times that I looked like athletic and how ‘lucky’ I was that I could wear whatever I wanted (yeah - I’m not sure about that, but thanks anyway!).  Not only that, but I was one of those annoying skinny people that would say ‘ I wish I could put on weight’ … seriously, what was I thinking??? I had tried & mostly enjoyed, many fitness or individual sports such as :  competitive cycling, archery (always thought of myself as a bit of a Maid Marion), weight training, aerobics, boxing aerobics, step, aqua aerobics, cross-country running, dancing to name just a few.  I liked trying new things, it stopped me from getting bored.  Oh yeah, kayaking & rock climbing, nearly forgot them.

When I was 25 I met my future husband.  At this time, I wasn’t at all interested in him in ‘that’ way, but we became friends (or at least I thought) and we hung out together, sometimes went out in a group and when I was 27, we ended up going flatting.  After a while, I don’t know how it happened, but I started to ‘see him in a different light’ and we developed a ‘spark’.  Enough said on that I’d say!  We ended up living together as partners.  I did miss out on the dating part, but I was naïve enough to think I knew him well as we had been friends for a couple of years and please don’t judge me on that… I wasn’t a Christian at the time, a believer of sorts yes, but otherwise No. (that was the short version...). 

Well, I am not here to disrespect my ex, not at all, (not that he extends that same courtesy to me sometimes but anyway…) it’s not that kind of blog, so please don’t take it the wrong way but this is the very important part of the story of how I lost my confidence, self-worth and got to be in a bad place in life.  I may dislike him, but I don't hate  him.  The best thing I learnt in life is forgiveness.  There is a saying, it goes something like.. "If you don't forgive someone, they get to live rent free in your head", or is that "If you hate someone they will consume your thoughts and they get to live rent free in your head"? Well, something like that, you get the idea.  It's actually quite freeing to forgive!  Forgive Yourself as well for your part in it too!  Move on!