Judgement

One thing that first motivated me to try was I found myself being judged by some people, not by people that knew my situation, people that didn’t know me would judge me. It kind of became more noticeable, when a new T.V program came out in New Zealand called ‘Downsize Me’.  For those of you that don’t know… it’s a reality show.  A Personal Trainer & a Nutritionist visit a home of overweight people (usually a couple, although once I saw it was two flatmate friends) and once there was a couple where they ate the same foods but she was big but he wasn’t.  (apparently, this was because although he was skinny on the outside, he was fat on the inside).  Anyhow, so they would go into their homes and take all the crap food out and put it on the table, along with a week’s worth of the food they would eat, which typically, would involve huge amounts of lattes, chocolate cake slices and takeaways (otherwise known as takeout in some countries) spread out across the table.  So I got judged, not in this new life, but in my old life, by comments made, that made me more of a closet eater as I almost didn’t even like to eat anything in front of people.  To be fair, sometimes I did eat some comfort food at home – some biscuits or some chips.  But you know, I wasn’t eating that stuff all the time and didn’t have all that crap in the cupboard like those people either – not enough that would fill up a table like these people.  Not even close.  Often an over weight person will simply eat bigger portion sizes. 

And then there’s the lack of exercise.  This plays a big part in it, especially after being so active.  Use it or loose it.  Getting up at some ridiculously early time of the morning to get ready for the office, two hours a day in traffic, to come home often late after working overtime to have to cook, run errands on the way home, pick people up and then deal to a baby and a toddler, stepchild and so on & so forth, plus the stress you’re faced with the problems at home, to finally get to 9.30pm, well ok, people call it an excuse and perhaps it is, but reality was, by then I just want to plop down into the couch with a coffee and biscuits to watch T.V or go to bed.  Where’s the 20 minutes at least to exercise?  Really, who feels like doing a work out or going for a run at that time.  Already getting up at 5.30 or 6.00am, it seemed hopeless.  So I got caught in this hopeless cycle.  I don’t know how I did it really.  I guess I didn’t stop to think about it, I had to because I had to provide for my family.  I think though, that having a baby and having to go back to work too early makes you more tired because your body is still recovering, but you do what you have to do because you love your family.  It probably didn’t help, that when I was pregnant with my first child I had 2 and a half jobs to help make ends meet, because I had uncovered more debt my husband had gotten into that I didn’t know about until people started showing up looking for him, as if pregnancy and working full time at one job wasn’t enough!  I’m sure there are super women who do all that and then more, not sure how much quality time they give their kids, but hey, maybe they are perfect, but again, people will judge you on this and yes it is an excuse, but again, until you have walked through this, you may not appreciate the struggle.